How to speak up at work to get what you want

Like family, you usually don’t get to choose the people you work with—and some of their little quirks can drive you up a wall. When you spend so much of your time with your colleagues, how can you deal?

Often, all that’s needed to solve an annoying problem is a conversation, says Alison Green. “But the reason people don’t take that step is because they have no fricking clue what to say.”

As the “Ask a Boss”  columnist for New York magazine—and the online version, “Ask a Manager” blog—Green is no stranger to “workplace interactions ranging from the mundane to the truly bizarre.” Her new book, Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work, offers tips on what to say in hundreds of sticky situations, drawn from the queries her two million readers have submitted over the past 10 years, including how to deal with toxic bosses, ask for a raise, and speak to employees when you’re the boss.

Speaking up, instead of suffering in silence, can be good for your career, not to mention, your blood pressure. However, “many people speak up badly,” writes Green, who was chief of staff at a nonprofit before her current gig. “They’re too aggressive, and they come in too hot, and as a result, their perfectly legitimate concerns are lost in the messaging.”

A job search, on the other hand, presents its own dilemmas, partly because interviews “probably have the strangest and most obvious power dynamic” of any business conversation, she writes.

Monster recently spoke with Green about knowing how to say the right thing in different workplace scenarios you’ll likely experience throughout your career.

Q. What’s the most frequently asked question you get from readers about asserting themselves in a job hunt?

A. One question I get constantly is, how to follow up after an interview. It’s common for the hiring process to take far longer than candidates expect. In fact, when interviewers say you’ll hear back within a certain time frame, it’s smart to mentally double or triple it.

People often hesitate to ask an employer where they stand because they don’t want to seem pushy or desperate. But if a reasonable time has gone by and you’ve still heard nothing, it’s fine to reach out and ask for an update—something like, “I want to check in with you and see if you have an updated timeline for making a decision about the X position.” If you still hear nothing, put that job out of your mind and move on, and let it be a pleasant surprise if they do get back in touch.

Q. Another area where job seekers are often shy is talking to people at networking events. Any suggestions for making new contacts?

A. It’s helpful to remember that, if you approach someone you don’t know and strike up a conversation, no one will think you’re weird. It’s a networking event, so that’s what everyone is there for! One reason many people hesitate, especially if they’re fairly junior or new to their field, is that they feel they don’t have enough to offer someone more senior or more influential.

But networking is not about a one-to-one exchange of favors or information. People who are really good at networking usually enjoy the chance to help other people and to meet up-and-coming talent. If you look at it as they do—that is, as broadening your professional circle, just getting to know more people—it takes the pressure off.

Q. If you could give just one piece of advice to someone looking for a new job, what would that be?

A. I’ve noticed that, too often, people forget that a job interview is not a one-way street. Sure, an interviewer is assessing you. But you should be assessing the job, and the company, right back. The goal, on both sides, is to figure out, is this a good match? Ask the questions you need answered in order to determine if this is a job you’d want, in a culture you’d want. Don’t let that get lost in your focus on getting the offer.

It’s so easy to feel that the hiring manager holds all the cards, but it’s important to remember they aren’t the ones doing you the favor. This is a business conversation, and you are potentially the solution to a business problem, which is that job vacancy. So, you actually do have some power. Feel free to assert yourself if you’re being treated poorly and be candid if you decide that the job isn’t for you.

Find your voice to further your career

Whether you’re interviewing for a new job, going to networking events, or even just trying to make it through the work day, it can be hard to speak up and assert yourself when you’re put in a tricky situation. Need help finding your voice? A great first step is to join Monster for free today. As a member, you’ll get practical career advice sent right to your inbox to not only empower you to speak up, but also to help you move forward in your career. And if a conversation isn’t enough, we can help you look for a new job at a company that understands the value of good communication in the workplace.

 

Anne Fisher has been writing about career and workplace trends and topics since 1996. She is the author of If My Career’s on the Fast Track, Where Do I Get a Road Map?